Walking by faith
By
Rosinel Howell
There
are moments in our lives that makes us stop and ask: “Oh God, were art thou?
Why hast thou forsaken me”?
I
was driving my 4 year old daughter to the emergency room without knowing
exactly what was wrong. The morning of
Mar 21st of 2012 we got up and started our morning routines of
getting ready to take kids to school.
When I hear my second daughter calling her younger sister’s name in
despair. I went to their room and found
Alondra on her back on the floor vomiting.
I picked her up and took her to the bathroom to help her finish vomiting. As I tried to make her stand up by the toilet
I noticed her lack of strength on her body, the right side of her face was
paralyzed and she was not talking. As we arrived at the emergency department,
the nurse rapidly diagnosed her with a stroke and more nurses and doctors
surrounded us in seconds. Standing there
not sure yet on what to expect, I felt numbed. Until reality showed up with a
lightening effect and it finally sink in.
How
can this be possible? How is that a totally healthy 4 year old can have a
stroke? Why is this happening? I felt lost and frightened. I couldn’t
understand why the stroke? How it happened? Again and again I pictured her eyes
looking at mine telling me “I’m hurting and I can’t even tell you” My heart was
broken. And my anguish increased enormously by the time.
I
imagined her sadness of having the knowledge of not been capable of doing the
things she was used to. I desperately
asked: “Oh God, were art thou?[1]
Why hast thou forsaken me?[2]
And I cried and cried and cried more.
Tests
were performed and nothing seemed to get us out of that huge abyss we were
in. Looking at her lying motionless on
bed was almost unbearable. We needed to wait and see what time was to
bring. Two days passed by in uncertainty
and sorrow. While sitting by her side, waiting not sure for what, I heard a
voice on my mind saying: “Stop feeling sad for yourself. Its time to get to
work.” And almost instantly I felt peace and I was sad no more. “I will not
leave you comfortless: I will come to you”[3]
As we answer the Lord’s call to come unto Him, He will truly “ease the burdens
which are put upon our shoulders,
that we cannot feel them no more.”[4]
I
pondered on why is that we have trials and tribulations, even when we are
trying to do Heavenly Father’s will? Why is it so hard? To what end? For what
purpose? As I ask these questions, I
realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be
strengthened through our own experiences.[5]
Does
it mean we will always understand our challenges? No. “Weeping may endure for a
night, but joy cometh in the morning.”[6]
Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose
to wait upon the Lord, saying, “Thy will be done”[7]
This
experiences stimulates growth and compassion.
It helps us to come closer to God.
“To get us from where we are
to where He wants us to be requires a
lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.”[8]
In the General Conference of October 1995, Elder Richard G Scott
said: “Please learn that as you wrestle with a challenge and feel sadness
because of it, you can simultaneously have peace and rejoicing. Yes, pain,
disappointment, frustration, and anguish can be temporary scenes played out on
the stage of life. Behind them there can be a background of peace and the
positive assurance that a loving Father will keep His promises. You can qualify
for those promises by a determination to accept His will, by understanding the
plan of happiness, by receiving all of the ordinances, and by keeping the
covenants made to assure their fulfillment.
“The Lord’s plan is to exalt you to live with Him and be greatly
blessed. The rate at which you qualify is generally set by your capacity to
mature, to grow, to love, and to give of yourself. He is preparing you to be a
god. You cannot understand fully what that means, yet, He knows. As you trust
Him, seek and follow His will, you will receive blessings that your finite mind
cannot understand here on earth.
“To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept
His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately
eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it
is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will
free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning [9] It will allow your life to
become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how
to go on.”[10]
It
gives me peace to know that Heavenly Father would not require us to experience
a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for our personal benefit
or for that of those we love. He will
help us. His help will come step by step,
a portion at a time. While we are
passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being
enlarged will continue. If all matters
were immediately resolved at our first petition, we cannot grow. It is trusting in the Lord, in His teachings,
to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning.[11]
He will place in our path packets of spiritual sunlight to
brighten our way. They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as
evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father. They point the
way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen our determination
to accept and be obedient to His will. The
fullness of the restored gospel gives us perspective, purpose, and
understanding. It allows us to face what otherwise appear to be unjust, unfair,
unreasonable challenges in life.[12]
He
sends his countless heavenly and earthly angels to surround us. To lift us up, to hold our hands, to pray with us and for us. To carry us through their service, care and
love. They come and do our yards,
organize and clean our homes, feed us, take care and play with siblings, visit
us at home and in the hospital. They do
our laundry and call with encouragement. “For I was
an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a
stranger, and ye took me in. “Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye
visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. …“… Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch
as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it
unto me. (Matthew 25:35)”[13]
I
am pleased to say that it has been almost 4 weeks since Alondra’s stroke and
she is walking, almost running. She
still needs to learn to talk and strengthen her right arm and hand but to see
how happy she is, feels my heart with gratitude and humility. “Behold it was our faith and the faith of our brethren which wrought so great a miracle among us”[14]
[5]
Waiting upon the Lord, October 2011, General Conference, Elder Robert D Hales
[8]
Trust in the Lord, October 1995, General Conference, Elder Richard G Scott
[9]
Trust in the Lord, October 1995, General Conference, Elder Richard G Scott
[12]
Trust in the Lord, October 1995, General Conference, Elder Richard G Scott
